Sleepless Night
by casalass
Summary: Cas day dreams while waiting for Dean to come home from his latest hunt. Note: some spoilers for season 8.


Cas relaxes in his room waiting for Dean to come home from his hunting trip, he slowly breaths in and out to clam himself, he can't stand not being able to help Dean with the hunt. He feels useless, because he has always been needed, and not being needed is strange to him. He closes his eyes to comfort and relax his mind, mostly because he's worried sick about the Winchesters. His mind takes him to the time when he was much more naive, to a time when he watched humanity and envied their freedom, their rebellion and most of all their love. Their ability to love greater than God himself was a mystery, yes it is true that not everyone can apply to his belief but all he has do is look at Dean to see that his statement is somewhat true and that gives him comfort. His mind drifts from memory to memory but stops at Cas's most unsavory one, and if he dreamed it would be considered a nightmare but one that was actually real. His mind drifted to the time he was killing the copies of Dean and it stayed there for awhile, he remembered every detail, every plea and it killed him. so he quickly jumps of his bed and looks around his empty room, nothing he thought to himself nothing is here for me, Dean doesn't need me, how could he, I almost killed him. He walks around the bunker taking in everything before he leaves; he walks to Dean's room where he was sleeping. I've must have been daydreaming longer then I thought he thinks to himself. He looked at him sleeping so quietly with peace. This must be very calming for Dean because he doesn't have think about Sam, monsters or saving people. Cas unknowingly walks up to his bedside to tuck him in.

Goodbye Dean he says and walks out and checks on Sam who is having terrors, Cas wishes he could do something but they won't go away till the trials are over.

"Cas? Said Dean what are you doing up?"

He turns around to see Dean behind him, and looks sacred.

"I don't sleep Dean." He said with a sigh

"Oh, yeah I keep forgetting that, are you okay Cas you look a little off?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

Dean looks at him knowing he's lying and finally realizes what Cas was about to do. His eyes looked hurt and he begins to tense up.

"Cas, you where about to leave again weren't you?" He said accusingly

Cas starts to talk but Dean cuts him off.

"How could you Cas!"

"Dean, I can't stay here there's nothing here for me and you don't want me with you. Cas looks up at Dean who's eyes looked hurt and far off."

"Don't want you here, what kind of stupid ass thought is that, I mean god Cas I told you I needed you, what else do you want , do you want me to get down on my knees and plea, because I will if it means that you will stay here with….me. I don't know why you leave Cas but I damn know every time you do I feel like it's my fault and I can't do it anymore… so leave if want, I don't care anymore, do whatever you want I'm just tired of trying to explain to how I need you more than just to kill things I need you because some part of me wants you here."

"Dean, I didn't know, I'm sorry, and I know you think I keep leaving you because I don't trust you but I do, and its nothing you ever did it's just I've been trying to protect you and Sam. I now know I should have let you decided on what you wanted; I shouldn't have made that decision without your consent. But Dean, know this what I do I always do to protect you, but how can I protect you from me. I don't know if I could stop Naomi from trying to control me… Dean. I mean She almost succeeding in making me kill you, the only person who I would do anything for, and if anything happened to you by my own hands I think I would kill myself."

Dean stands there for a while looking at Cas with this look of pity.

" Cas I need you and I would love for you to stay here with Sam and I, and I don't care if Naomi still has control over you, we could always work through that. I know Cas that your scared that you'll hurt me again, but I want you to focus on the fact that you didn't kill me, you had control and a part of you will stop yourself from hurting me so stay… because God Cas I need you like I need air, and I tend not to deny myself the basic essentials of life."

I need you too Dean Cas says with a smile. I will always need you.

Dean and Cas are quite for a moment knowing even thought they said I need you Instead of I love you, that it basically means the same, in their Han Solo and princess Leia kind of way.

"Oh hey where did the beer and porn come from?" Asks Dean

Dean looks at Cas and sees that his face turns read and he rubs the back of his neck like he's uncomfortable with the subject.

"Umm, well I tried to shop for your favorite things, it's usually a custom to buy a gift when someone is angry with you, is it not?" Said Cas with his head tilt

Dean laughs to himself, yes it is but talking is more effective.

Cas and Dean walk away from Sam's door and both sit down with a beer, which Cas doesn't really understand because he doesn't get buzzed but it's what Dean does when he's content and Cas figures why not do the same.


End file.
